Mascot Love – Furverts Unite!

First brought to my attention by way of a bizarre CSI episode (#406) entitled “Fur & Loathing” on television some time ago, there are kinky cats out there called “Plushies” and “Furverts” who pursue sexual arousal by dressing like 8 foot Care Bear creatures and petting each other into pleasure. We all have our deviant devices and fetish fish floating about in our perversion pond but these folks really made me wonder if they had not only run out of bait, but were missing a few sails on the evolutionary mast as well. I didn’t want to pass judgment on the fuzzy bunny boners for too long without seeing how far the freak meter could reach on the fetish scale, so I read up on them. I found a few articles; one by Susie Bright called the “Selfish Fetish”, an anonymous blog highlighting the “history” of the Furverts and the holy grail of outlandishness - a newsgroup. I’m going to try and pass along what I learned to you so that the gigantic plush Eeyore sitting on your wife’s bookshelf will never quite look at you the same way again (or you at it for that matter).

From what I gather there are two distinct differences between the groups, Furverts (established in the early 80’s!) sexualize cartoon characters and Plushies (A.K.A Plushophiles) “have special personal feelings for plush stuffed animals (and plush puppets, too)”. Did you hear that Kermit? Get your glorious green ass out of town, you’ve been marked. A “Fursuit” is a “full-body costume that makes the wearer look like a favorite animal, or an animal character. Costumes like this are commonly seen being worn by staff members at amusement parks dressing up as popular cartoon characters. They're also seen at sporting events where the team has a mascot in a costume. Since a person in a fursuit looks (and feels) a lot like a 'living plushie', such costumes are understandably popular with some plushophiles. Several of us here have made or bought our own animal costumes”.

Surprisingly I read on and learned that some even cleverly alter their stuffed animals with a horny hole or penile type implant (no word on if Gonzo requires any customization at all), use the defenseless doll in a more devious masturbatory manner and/or even place the furry friend as a third (and presumably silent) partner in the boudoir. Want to get started being a fur fondler? “Find a stuffed animal that appeals to you in a very personal way. It may take time, but eventually you'll find one that's irresistible. If you currently have a stuffed animal that you've got special feelings for, chances are you've already expressed those emotions in some intimate manner. In general, probably the best way to learn about plush love is to take your special plushie to bed with you, and just cuddle at first. That might be as far as you want to go, but if the sensations of softness, warmth and closeness bring on arousal, simply follow your instincts. You'll find that plushies make very nice love partners. They will gladly do anything you want and any time you feel like it, so you can totally set your own pace”.

There are instructions on how to clean your stuffed rape victim after you’ve assaulted the poor bloody thing but I’ve chosen to leave that out since I’ve heard that vomit can be quite costly on a keyboard. These folks even have something called “The Plush Code” which is like shorthand for quickly outlining how very disturbed an individual truly is.

As an added and welcome bonus, despite their plushing passions, the Furverts and Plushies are always quick to point out that they have no sexual interest in children so don’t cancel that dancing donkey for little Sally’s birthday just yet. Some Furverts however, attribute their fetish to early sightings of beloved Bugs Bunny parading about in drag on Saturday mornings, so at the very least hide the carrots from Timmy before you find him violating his Beanie Baby collection with them.

Wait until I show you what the Japanese have been up to.

iPod played "The Cramps - Bikini Girls With Machine Guns" while posting