Verbal Vaccine Administered for Blog Addiction

When my portly pal, the Dark Pig, waddled across the barn yard and squealed his blogging intentions to me a few weeks back, I thought that perchance his bacon brain had been cured a little too long in the prairie sun. The swine had clearly lost his pork rind mind and though it smelled good; I had to question his motives. The thought of collecting mental moss from the rambling rocks of reflection and somehow sharing it with strangers seemed outlandish and sanctimonious. The Dark Pig’s initial intentions were to parody blogs and when I came on board it was to develop another outlet to trade laughs with him, so it was quite by accident that we’ve become strangely addicted to the weblog phenomenon.

To a layperson, a blog is simply a personal journal published on the web containing philosophical musings, reflective retort and a proverbial soapbox from which to spout ones accumulated observations. Truthfully, most of what’s on offer is self righteous garbage, which I’m obviously guilty of, but occasionally you come across a blog that’s as enlightening as any media outlet or attentive conversation for that matter.

When I logged in to the cannibal computer this morning the first stop I made was to the Dark Pig, to see if he had rolled away from the slop long enough to deal me up another dose of his muddy musings. The pig makes me laugh. I then proceeded to read what’s going on in the rest of the world, almost an afterthought. It saddens me that he has a traffic tracker on his blog site because he’ll truly understand how many times I stop by his pig pen seeking an update.

I decided to search the web for blog addiction services, what I found was, well, blogs about blog addiction and a few pages of “you know you’re a blog addict when…” – by which I’ve self diagnosed myself as a stage two addict with symptoms that include:

- I’m oddly offended when I get no comments on a post – I know people who read it but never drop me a line, bastards.
- I sometimes relate to things on the basis of if it’ll make an appealing entry or not.
- I have risen from a dead sleep to scribble down an idea which is usually scrapped in the morning.
- I often check the occasional blog before I even dress, eat or feed the fish in the morning.
- I have some blogs written in advance in case I’m stricken with writers block.

Clearly, I need help. Internet Addiction Services exist which I guess includes blogging, but internet addiction is identified as an individual who withdraws from society whereas blogging may in fact be an extension of society itself (to some extent). I guess it’s only a matter of time before someone figures out a way to exploit our affliction, so have fun while it lasts at the very least it keeps you away from porn for awhile.

iPod played "The Planet Smashers - Super Orgy Porno Party" while posting